Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
