just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to fling myself into the sun
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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