Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
