I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
