everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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