I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
