Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
