just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
