There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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