The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
