Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
