It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
