You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
