i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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