you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
