I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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