don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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