What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
