I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
