oh god the rape fog is back!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
