first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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