i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
