Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
