she smelled like a LAN party
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
