U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
