I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
