she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
