I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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