shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize