i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
