u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize