I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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