Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
