no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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