I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
