bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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