apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
