umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
