Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
