It's Friday. Sex?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
