I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
