he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
