I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
