Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize