i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
honey bunches of taint.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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