Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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