I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
