New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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