My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
