Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
