Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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