Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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