I wanna passion pit in your ass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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