I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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