put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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