guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
