Banned from zoo.
Again?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
