Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
