Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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