my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
