So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
