how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
