Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
