dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
