i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
