so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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