i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
