im holly from the hills drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize