i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
