I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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