Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
