anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
