I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
