maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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